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Submitted on
August 31, 2010


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Torture-device vs. Scott Pilgrim and the world too

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 31, 2010, 10:12 AM

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Or “Twilight” for nerdy 17-year old boys.

I’m not ashamed to say that I, like many,  many people, am influenced by hype when it comes to movies. If there’s a constant brightly colored flashy thingy flashing right in my eyes with an exaltated voice shrilly yelling: “DIS IS SO AWESOM U MUST U MUST SEE IT”, in addition to a ton of praising reviews, satisfied fantards and all, I tend to follow.

And in my circle, there was a lot of fangasming about this “Scott Pilgrim vs the world” movie. The trailers weren’t bad either, but the more important thing was Edgar Wrights name under the tag “director”. The thing that sold my attention to this ehm, movie, alone. I mean, I naively believed that the man who’d done “Shawn of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz” is a demigod and certainly couldn’t excrete a shitty movie from his holy creative ass.?

Yep, that’s me. I’m influenced. I went and illegally downloaded the movie. Watched it, pausing every 15 minutes or so to get a break. And this is my opinion, a very harsh one amongst the squeaky voices of overjoyed fans who readily plaster CULT MOVIE all over it.

One thing to say, is that I’m not a hipster. I’m not a professional  welfare-fed slacker or porch monkey.  I’m not a person without a profession or realistic goals.  Can’t say that I’m some masked undercover vigilante either, but it wouldn’t be too smug to say that I have quite firm beliefs, principles and aspirations. That’s why when I watched “Scott Pilgrim vs. the world” I steadily felt a rising disgust and loathing to the presented characters, their lifestyle and what they embody as fucking cultural memes.

What a person has to realize that this film is about the most bland, stale and BORING pieces of shit that was ever made. It glorifies slacking. It glorifies being nobody, a drifting casual piece of wood that JUST WANTS A BIT OF HAPPINESS N LURVS BAWWWW. Those aren’t protagonists, those are slobby kidults, lazy little NEETs. And this is what the heroes of the new age are?

So, what’s “Scott Pilgrim” about? It’s about people of my age group, that live like animals – eat, sleep, play the guitar and mingle about in their little social circle munching on junkfood and very bleakly humorizing about their pesky uninteresting lives and relationships. Oh, they’re wanna be rock superstars. Most of them don’t work. Work is for the uncool, amirite? They’re nerdy. They’re young and “open for love”. All the associated bullcrap.

And how is this supposed to be a basis for a cult movie?  I mean yeah, you’ve got movies like say, Smith’s “Clerks” and “Clerks 2”, which too tell the story of a tightly-knitted pseudo subculture group. But “Clerks” are an actual comedy, fast-paced and explosive, not overburdened by pink sappy snots, and “Scott Piligrim” is just that – wishy-washy dullness. “Clerks”, “Jay and Silent Bob strike back” - these movies have actual CHARACTERS, with their respective lifestories, quirks and goals, but here it’s just a story of a confused prick who failed to grow up, doesn’t know what to do and only near the end realizes that he has “self-respect”. Self-respect for WHAT?

See, it’s for all the non-conformist kids. For the current generation that thinks that love, hugs and attention should be poured over ‘em just because they exist. For the tweens that think that they’re a special snowflake and a deep personality just because they once said or did something outrageous or creative.  None of the heroes are admirable – none of them did anything constructive with their lives or achieved an important landmark. See, that’s why it’s Twilight for guys – it’s the same wish fulfillment story of getting the perfect girl whilst screwing the other, not working and becoming a rockstar. It’s got all the flash and sparkles the Twilight saga got, only with less vampires but even more gay.

And don’t say it’s “lifelike”. You can have lifelike characters, they may have flaws or be weak-willed or downright pathetic. But Scott Pilgrim isn’t lifelike and believable, he’s just an infantile self-centered manchild.  I don’t care if that’s lifelike – I would as vehemently react if Chris-chan got a full-length film feature.

So really, this movie can evoke only two reactions. One:  “oh shit, I’m a nerd/gamer/slacker – I ADORE THIS TO DEATH” and second: “I’m too old for this shit, what the fuck EVIL EXES?”

Now a few words about the production itself. Visually – nope, nothing new. Movies had implemented comic elements and styles before S.P and better that here. Speedy Racer, Sin City, etc. Anime speedlines and pop-up texts aren’t the MOST AMAZING thing I’ve ever seen. Meta-media had been here long, all cinephiles are used to it. Many other directors and producers successfully merged cartoon, comic and film to create a memorable effect, and "Scott Pilgrim" isn't the breakthrough in this.
Just watch this and say it ain't so:…
I like anime but not to the point of catching obscure non-visualized references.
Vigeogames? Sorry, but in videogames I value innovation, not the nostalgia and retro factor. The stylized battles were cool – and not nearly enough to drag this crap out of the pit of shame.
As a result, I’m left with two hours of sluggish torture in the image of a romantic comedy acted out by emotionless robots from Planet X.

A movie about the relationships of mentally challenged teenagers and their extremely dull romance? Scott and Ramona are equally uninteresting as characters, unless you’re one of those fags who love the "perpetually confused and ALL OVER THE PLACE" anime char stereotypes. I couldn’t care less about them and the others with all their insipid drama. It's VERY drawn out. Soem scenes have nothing more than the character staring in to the void with empty eyes. There's a lot of moments when you can't just tolerate the boredome, the staleness of the act, the crawling snail pace of the NON-EXISTANT plotline, and just fast forward the motherfucker.

The humor? “Scott Pilgrim”s humor is akin to being introduced to some strangers and watching them spew their “IN” jokes from some dark corner of the room whilst getting drunk on beer – meaning that the humor is so specific that it takes a certain mindset of an insecure suckup to decipher it or find it funny. And of course, where'd you go without the propagation of homosexuality - this film has all the nine yards of gay jokes and rainbow farts.
Between the endless whining, the closed-up “humor” and the sheer fail of a slacker’s lifestory, you get the action sequences, the only little flashlights of positive emotions in this murky bog. But alas, only about 4 fights are worth it – the lesbian fight, the Gideon fight, the rock-out fight, and the fight with the first Indian Ex, which was actually really cool and energetic.

Plus, in the nutshell, this movies just tries too hard at being funny and ironic and all that. I really hate it when a supposedly fun movie sorta winks at you and goes all: "yeah, we know that I'm all gags and sparks and action, but you DO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE'S A DEEPER MEANING BEHIND THIS, THE META LEVEL OF IRONY? DON'T MY POP-CULTURE REFERENCES PUT YOU IN AWE?" No, they don't. I can see the money-milking mechanism whirring away like mad, all the hidden loops and traps.

In the end  - its no wonder it failed. This movie was targeted to a specific demographic. If you hated it – don’t feel bad. It’s not that you’re a mainstream conformist sheep, which you’d be inevitably called by the movies’ fans if you try to argue their points.

It’s just bad. It’s not for you. It’s for 25-year old people that got frozen in time, in the 90s, when the best gaming system was the SNES, love was true, cartoons and comics were important and shitty garage rock was a necessary thing to fan over.

Thank any god you believe in that you're not one of them.

  • Listening to: Combichrist - "Never Surrender"
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mosobot64 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Well, I liked the movie, but, yeah, the movie failed on two counts:

1) The comic series was originally going to be about Scott growing up, getting a job, and learning how to be less of an asshole. The end of the comic had Scott gaining "the Power of Understanding", rather than "Self-respect". Even aside from that, the stereotypical and trite 'chip in back of neck' thing even had me nearly groaning in the theatre.

2) Marketing evidently couldn't decide who to sell this movie to. In a ridiculous move, they marketed this as a romantic comedy rather than a bizarre and geeky movie, which means that people who actually wanted to see it (fans of the comic) got free advance tickets, while everyone else watched it and hated it, because they just weren't the audience for it.

So, hey, neither this movie, nor the comic it's based on, are for everybody. And that's okay.

PS. I've never played the SNES. :/
ErebusRed Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2010  Professional Artist
Nice review I enjoyed your writing : )
mastermanchu Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2010
Awesome review. I had actually thought about seeing this and am extremely glad I happened to check out your page first.
korgus Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010
Haven't seen/read it, but I agree with most of the stuff you're saying.
Tzeentchcommunismplz Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010
Such characters kinda makes me want to maim, burn then kill.
SpiralHorn Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010
Damn it... [link]
SpiralHorn Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010
You do movie reviews... where you thinking of doing Machete? I'm part of a group that's protesting it [link]!/group.php?gid=146098382088475&ref=ts
Tzeentchcommunismplz Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010
Perhapse you should made arty pics depicting these... non-characters crying and gaping as they are being slowly mutilated, butchered and dismembered by Vivisektor-Unit.
ninjastrudel Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2010
jackassery aside, I didn't see it because it looked dumb. It may not have been as mindfuckingly stupid as avaturd, but I can smell shit when I see it.
torture-device Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm mad, bro)
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