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January 31, 2013


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Story of the unfortunate business cards

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 31, 2013, 1:23 PM
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Something hilarious, fucktarded and disturbing happened to me recently, like out of bad, ill-done american comedy that I decided to share with you for laughs and tell you how the IT industry is actually lulzy.

So, a while ago I was working at this telco expo - me, a few other reporters and our sales managers, who have set up the booth and stand for our print media department, and promoted, in addition to the online portal, a few magazines, research bulletins and other IT analyst stuff we do. The day was short, so the sales managers left early and left me "in charge" of the booth, while I was finishing writing my news article. I hopped on a bar stool near the stand, the magazines I was supposed to hand out splayed before me, everythings cool. Our booth, aside from the stand and some shelves for the printed production, had a table with like, four chairs, located slightly behind me, near our group's banner.

As I was writing my stuff, I was handing out magazines to people passing by, remembering my good ol' glory days at mobile phone retail, everything was going swell - the expo was near closing, other exponents began dis-assembling their booths, and I thought I was gonna leave soon too.

Then these two people waddle up to my stand. One, a short, slightly plump senior woman, carrying two large stuffed bags - stuffed with merch and gifts from various other booths. The other, a high, pasty and chubby dude in his late 20s, extra-dumbfaced, with that whispy "I'm-a-retard" moustache and a look of total, sheep-like bewilderment and exhaustion - he had bags too. I figure it's the woman's son. Both have the expo badges.

They ask me if we have calendars. I saw that we don't. They proceed to check out the magazines, I urge them to check them out and take a few.

Which they do. Then the woman's eye falls on the table. Now, the table was covered in flyers, there was gift plastic luggage tag lying on it, my cheap plastic business card holder, and a Mars candybar that one of my coworkers left for me, since I was running around the expo all day hungry as fuck and the nice chick decided I should have it. The woman squints, and asks if she can have the luggage tag, which was a present given to a sales manager by some software company, but he left it cuz he didn't need it. I say "sure, why not", and cringe at her awful hillbilly accent. From her looks it's evident she's a "peripheral", something we muscovites call less sophisticated and lowclass people from the regions.

The woman sends her sons to collect the badge, he waddles towards it reluctantly, and then the woman asks if they can sit at the table for a while.

Again, my generosity kicked in - I figured they were tired from going round the expo all day, so I said - "go on", and turn back to writing the article. With half an ear listened to their chatter, didn't comprehend much, and went on with typing. Then, in like five minutes, I heard them stand up and leave.

I sat at the stand for about 10 more minutes, and then, deciding I typed enough, started to swivel on my stool - and caught site of the table.


At first, I was speechless. I walked to the table, walked around it, peeked beneath in hopes that the items rolled there - nope.

The fucknuggets even took a bunch of shitty flyers.

I mean, okay, expo's are big, but this wasn't some fucking fur expo or washing machine expo - no, a professional, international telco one, with software and hardware vendors, carriers, whatever you want! And some of the visitors were sticky-hand brain-dead cleptomaniacs! This ain't no fucking professional tech community!

I just want to know this  - what kind of insane dumbfuck steals a PVC BUSINESS CARD HOLDER and some dude's CANDY-BAR? Worst thing, is that those cards were important - about 30 of my new business aquaintances, not to mention about 10 of my own. And I fucking NEED those contacts. Plus, I have somewhat of a collector's attitude towards business cards - I collect them, I cherish them, I like how they're all different and neat and that I can flip through them and remember the people more vividly than when it's in a phonebook or something, a viable piece of a meeting I had with a valuable news source.

And these idiotic mentally ill people appropriated HOURS of my hard work at the expo! I lamented all over the business cards and cursed the hillbilly shitfaces. Hope they choke to death on the cards when they try to eat them, because it's the only thing these pieces of mentally insufficient shits can do with em.

They took even the candy bar. THE MOTHERFUCKING CANDYBAR.

The horror, the horror...

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That is why I generally store stuff in my pockets, or backpack. I am paranoid about thieves.
Surely there where cameras in there, perhapse you can report them for theft, how brutal is the Moscovite police/militia force?
stitches-of-demise Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sorry to hear about that, TD. Losing contact numbers (in your case, the business cards) is synonymous with losing all files saved on god-knows-which-drive without a backup.
Expo-Electronics are full of such idiots. The worst part is that such useless waste create the huge line at registration, slowing shit to hell because they can't fill simple yes-no form.
gunmoon Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sounds like typical hoarders to me. I know of some dumb fuck-face bitch that drives around in a car that's full of shit! Literally! Useless tons of garbage! And to top things off, she is an absolute bitch to almost everybody! I hope somebody gets pissed off at her and burns all of the shit in her car-IN THE CAR! May be some God-given Pyromaniac will bless me and those she's rude to!
are we talking like a snickers/baberuth or just a milkyway?
Sors-the-luck-bot Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, what the fuck...
Cleptomaniacs usually steal things they don't even need. It's neural behaviour, they need to do it and they usually pick up anything they can get they hands on.
In case you didn't know.
But in YOUR case I wouldn't even care.
Draw them getting slaughtered! How about some of pinheads flying chains tearing through their fat fucking faces?
Now I'm wondering what a backwoods Russian accent sounds like in comparison to someone's from Moscow. And dude, gotta keep your eyes peeled, people always be trying to take shit. It's like that at the bakery at which I work. Sometimes we have spare pastries or taste test stuff and we put it in the walk-in fridge to keep while we work, but most of the time, some bitch up front sneaks a piece, and then another, and another... and when we go to test the new recipes, there's nothing left and we have to make up moar. Bah.
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