Lately I've been thinking about how incomplete many people are. About a trail of wrecked expectations I leave behind to my own general indifference about the matter.
I'd like to share some of my observations with you, my watchers.
You see, I'm an extrovert. I'm social, I'm talkative, I quickly involve myself with other people – I like that, really. I don't expect much from people, and feel that general communication is a pleasant way to fill in time between productive things – and I hope people don't expect much from me either in such situations.
But I've learned maybe a bit late in my life, that many people mistake my extroversion and sociality for openness and friendliness. They often think that they are my friends, when I think of them as of aquaintances at best. And thus, they start to project this "friendship" where it doesn't exist. They mistake my altruism for friendliness. They mistake my desire to communicate for something bigger.
And at a point, they get confronted with the fact that I'm not a lifeboat, and wouldn't hold their shit for them.
This stems, in my point of view, of the modern incompletedness of people, that is stimulated by everything around us, starting from education, to media and medicine. People are constantly told to rely on something – to rely on others. But no, not just rely – completely depend and not deem being an autonomous entity.
People are born into a paradigma of codependancy of the worst kind. That's why you get social networks popularity surging. Why people are so INFANTILE nowadays. They are incomplete, and can't exist without a plethora of supports and crutches that would complete them. Without reattaching like a deep-sea parasitic angler to some other poor sod.
This leaves many with a warped perspective on true friendship and meaningful relationships. When you're in a frantic, frenzied search for a tit to suck on after you've parted with your mothers' one, you fail to realize that strong bonds with others is a matter of true compatibility and hard work. Friendships build through overcoming challenges and hardships.
Once, one of my friends asked what is friendship to me. I said – trust and selflessness where it matters. Or something along the lines. Friendship, a true friendship, is when you trust a person to not fail you for an idiotic reason when you're in dire need. But this can only be known through a test, when such a situation arists. Therefore, friendship emerges as a postfactum occurrence.
But today, what does it constitute? A facebook "like". A sharing of common interest. Talking to someone. Having a laugh. Total devaluation as a result for a societal pressure to find someone to depend on. But that's the irony – people who form bonds amongst each other are not dependable at all in such situations.
That's why you have so many failed marriages, relationships and so on. People constantly confuse mild interest or passion for something that requires years to build and test through.
Worst part, is that when you're not a total autistic sperg with zero social skills, people think they're entitled to your friendship or interest just because they exist and because they're a special snowflake.
It usually goes like this, at least happened to me, often – the following interaction is a courtesy of one of my actual friends, and it was nailed on the head:
"I'm awkward, not very smart, not talented or skilled, my self-esteem is low and I'll get offended by your success, I'm rather ugly and/or not appealing in general, and I don't do many productive things? WANNA BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER?"
"No? Don't wanna be my friend, while I offered the world to you? You grew politely dis-attached? WELL, I'LL GET OFFENDED AND STALK YOUR ASS FOR 2 YEARS! DONT WANNA BE MY FRIEND – YOU'LL GET AN ENEMY!" </b>
Yes, I had/have it. I have crazy stalkers. I have chicks who thought that after sending me their topless photos, I'll be with them forever. I have people who stalk my ass, make fake facebook accs after me, people who can't get over the fact that I'm not their "friend" anymore, when I specifically warned them that they're expecting more than I could dish out for them. People who decided, as stated above, that they've "seen through my bullshit", that I'm an abhorrent douchebag that didn't appreciate them and are now on a quest to right all my wrong-doings, bring me to justice, fix their wounds, revenge, etc. Because, God forbid we have a sense of reason and responsibility, and move on. That's not an option.
And this is really tragic. We're atomizing. People that have the potential to evolve in strong, autonomous, life-enjoying personalities, are stuck in a state of blood-sucking larvae in needs of hosts. And no host like having parasites. Politeness, etiquette, social boundaries - fuck that, we here have more friends to make! More people to assert our worthless, meaningless existence!
Women are especially prone to that. Ironically, the more feminists and other "strong women"-types call for female independence, they all devolve pretty quickly into dependance from other people, women and men, clinging to whatever assertion of themselves they could muster.
And modern men go down that road too, with the "friendzone" and "nice-guy" crap.
There are so many weak, incomplete people, writhing and wallowing around in their apparent uselessness, it's mind-boggling. Naturally, they get drawn to the stronger personalities, to those that could function by themselves, without being a bicorporal entity made of two losers.
There are so many, but friendship is possible only among the strong, those with the willpower.
In all other cases, it's parasitic, incomplete and wretched bonds. And once you realize you're having this, and if you're sane, you severe them.
But note – it's always the parasite that gets harmed, the parasite that wails and flails the most from being hurt and cut off from the source of food and energy.
Free yourself, if you're reading this.